I Get Bored Too Easy..............

Way way too easily!! I'm bored of my life and I've kind of been in a routine for about 3 months now and I'm bored. But then it may be partially because I feel like I have no social life and that I just go to work and sleep. Speaking of which I had a crazy dream last night.... It was about Ethan (A guy I kinda used to date...it's complicated) and he came to visit me and so did his family and we were so I love with one another. He bought me a new car and we we holding hands a bunch and cuddling and such. Then I woke up. I don't know like I still like him but since I'm in PA and he's in TN it's not like we can date. I don't plan on going back to TN anytime soon.  Anyways I digress..... I don't know if I'm going back to school 'cause I sure can't pay for it myself.  I want a degree but why go back to school if I don't know what to study. I kind of fly in multiple directions and I can't find one area that I am completely drawn to. Emily has music, Alex and Bekah have graphic design Anthony has film. I mean I kinda had film but then I haven't gotten back to it you know. I really need to see what I'm drawn to I know I'm creative but I Love Math, Music, Movies, Helping Others, And Taking Things Apart, I can't really stick to one though since I get bored so easily. Too easily. I love certain T.V. shows too. And maybe I use to word Love too lightly. I guess I want to find love and feel accomplished. Funny thing is I thought that I was the more on track of my 2 siblings and me. Funny thing is they're both graduated from school and have found their significant others. Me I'm trying to decide whether I'm going back to school or not and I don't really have any dating prospects. Oh well tis life "They Say That, What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Who We Are.." Maybe I should just be a writer. Then I'd probably just write about my problems. I am aware of the fact that I complain too much. I hate that I'm making my parents unhappy because I'm unhappy. I shouldn't be unhappy I have 2 jobs I'm healthy I have parents who care about me I have friends. I dunno what's missing.......... Oh well either way I'm gonna keep analysis 'cause that's what I do... Nothing else to say today.........

Just Gotta Say.........

Reid Scott

There's This Guy That I Work With At The R-Phils Who Is SOOOOOOOOOO!!! Attractive, Ahhh!!! But I Can't Really Seem To Make My Brain Function Around Him!! I Can't Strike Up Conversation Therefore Giving No Reason For Reinforced Conversation Outside Of Work And Boy Would I Love That!! He Looks Kinda Like Brendan From My Boys (Reid Scott). I Like Am In Love With This Guys Constant 8 O'Clock Shadow He's Just Perfect. I Wish I Could Talk To Him!!

This Time Baby I'll Beeee........... BULLETTPROOFF

So I guess I'm partially over the whole Nashville thing but I'm thinking about my life (like always, considering my options) Maybe moving back to Florida and working at Disney again. While working at a Starbucks down there too. Hopefully switching to a PhotoPass position at Disney and maybe focusing on photography in general. I think that's the best solution I've come up with so far.

FFFFUUUUCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I am sooooooooo FRUSTRATED!!!!!!! I left some of my stuff in TN at the school I used to go to with my friend Amy. Well turns out that all my stuff has been 'discarded' including my guitar that I got for Christmas from my parents. It cost $300.00 and my $250.00 video camera. I left the expensive things behind 'cause I didn't want to crush them into my car and have them break. I was planning on going back for them. I wanted to go back sooner but since I've been working full time I found the time to go in about 3 weeks so I e-mailed the school........
According to the housing girl she called me and left me a message. (I haven't heard from her since I called her about 2 months ago when she said she'd call be back the next day) and I hear back from her today that all my stuff is gone!!!!!!!
I am beyond angry!! and Upset and frustrated. I should've heard something like a "last call" before disposing of my stuff!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

E-Town........

So I've decided that I really miss my old school Elizabethtown College... It might be my friends it might be the having a routine....Either way I miss it and I kinda want to go back. Maybe I should go back. I'll just get a simple degree to be a producer, maybe and English degree or something in Math.............. Yea I can't make up my mind on anything..................

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Wish I could just figure this out!!!!!!!!!

Life......

So I don't wanna live my life in a Dead End Job. I Don't want to work at Starbucks for too long it's just a constant flow of income to pay for bills....
I want to fall in love
I want to see the world
I want to know who I am
I'd love to be famous
I'd love to be rich
I get bored really easily, I want to be held, I need a hug one of those tight everything is gonna be alright hugs. I hate that I obsess over finding solutions. I wish I could figure this all out. I wish I would be happy about the way my life is turning out. I wish I had a clear plan for my life or at least a plan that I could rely on. I wish my Mom wouldn't crush my dreams or my plans. Sure it's not all her fault but it doesn't help that she decides what I can and cannot do. I feel so stressed out a good amount of the time.

I wish I didn't over think and over analyze or that I could find a way to work my over-thinking and analyzing into a career a well paying career, not a job a career.

I'm trying to not complain as much but I guess I find it hard when I'm not really happy with the state of my life right now. Sure I could turn to God but it's like that song by The Script "Breakeven" ~I'm Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing, Just Prayin' To A God That I Don't Believe In~ That's how I feel....

Trying to figure it all out.......

Shadow......

Look At Love,
It's Nothing But A Shadow
Where You Saw A Heart -
That Was Hollow
Look At You,
You've Been Chasing Shadows.

So I'm Totally Bored With My Life, I Get Bored To Easily And I Have Lots On My Mind. I Keep Having Moments At Work Where Something Irks Me And I Want To Or Am On The Brink Of Crying. At Disney The Good Balanced Out The Negative If Not Outweighed It, And At Starbucks I Feel Like I Get The Shitty End Of The Stick Too Often. I Wish I Could Just Be Sure About My Future And Know What Decisions I Should Make And Where I Should Let My Life Lead. I Love Baseball, I'd Love To Be A Producer. But Then I Have The Flight Attendant Thing To Get To Travel. I Need To Learn More About Myself Really. I Know I Want To Fall In Love And Get Married That's One Of The Things I Really Want To Do. I Wanna Fall In Love, The Kind Of Love That Inspires Romance Novels. I Want Others To Be Jealous, I Want My Heart To Race Forever. First Kiss To Fell Like Every Kiss. I Guess That's Asking Too Much. But With That Intensity I Won't Get Bored Like I Have In Past Relationships.
I'm An Analyzer. I Analyze and Over Analyze Everything. I Like To Sit And Figure Things Out. I Like Making Things And Taking Things Apart. I Guess I'm A Ball Of Contradictions. I'm Not Easy To Figure Out But If You're Willing To Put In The Time And Effort......
Maybe I Scare People Off. Maybe I Just Piss Them Off I Sure As Hell Know People Piss Me Off All The Time. I Love Music And Movies And If I Could Figure Out Something That Involves That, I'd Love That. But I Have No Musical Talent. I Like To Think I'm Really Good At Music Selection, I Could Do Something With That.

We Are Born With The Melody We Were Children In The 90's Gonna Hear It Again Tonight!
I'm Really Loving Steel Train Lately!!! They Are Speaking To My Soul!!!
That's What I Love About Music It Hits You Deep And Holds You Tight. It Makes Everything All Right. It's Like Someones Sharing Them Self/ves With You.

Hmm All For Now............ Maybe More Later

Random I Know..........

I Want To Fall In Love With A Lyricist..........♥

We Could've Had Something, Yea Something, Maybe Something If We'd Decided To Be In The Same Place, And Maybe If I Just Get To See You Face To Face, One More Time.

I Don't Know What To Say Or Do...But I Don't Want To Get Back Together With You.

I'm No Fool For You, But I'm A Fool For Love That's True.

I Am Your Trampoline, I Am Your Tra Tra Tra Trampoline....
( I'm Here To Help You Bounce Back )